the choice

life is made up of choices- choices we desperately want to make, choices we wish we didn’t have to consider, choices that turned our lives around and choices that we have yet to discover.

at exactly one year ago, if you asked me whether loving someone is a choice or a feeling, i would tell you it’s just a feeling. i would say that falling for someone was never planned and that having to recognize their meaning in my life wouldn’t be something i called a choice.

but i guess that was just me, a year ago.

today, i believe in thinking that there is a choice in everything i do. and well, i’d probably still say that falling for someone unexpectedly wasn’t a choice i would consciously have done but feeding my emotions is definitely a choice. i could choose to just simply walk away and mask all my feelings by knowing there isn’t much to do.. or i could let it consume me. and that’s exactly what i do. i let it consume me.

i choose to say the words i say. and i choose to feel the things i feel. i choose to think about my problems constantly. i choose to accept pain rather than flush it away. i choose to pick up my phone and send a goddamn message. i choose to stay up late and count the times i’ve realized but continued to deny it to myself. i choose not to admit that i feel more that i probably should. i choose to let it hurt me even if i know it shouldn’t. i choose to do all these things so when you say you don’t have a choice, that’s a fucking lie because you do- i do. i always have. i have made that choice and as ridiculous and crazy as it sounds, i chose you.

even if you may never choose me.

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